I once believed my goal in my life was to be happy.

All of that changed the day I attended a ten-day silent meditation retreat. 

There, I began to understand how the mind and body work to create suffering.

And how I could find a way out. 

“Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so.” — JS Mill

Sensations

In each moment, our bodies come into contact with a myriad of inputs via our five senses: sight, smell, sound, taste, and touch.

Each input brings physical sensations on, inside, and around the body.

These sensations are the raw data, the foundation of the human experience.

You can experience this for yourself, in this moment.

Place your attention on your body—can you feel your heartbeat?

Your breath?

The tingling sensations in your fingertips and the vibrations pulsing through your toes?

These sensations are what your body is feeling.

A constantly changing symphony of temperature and vibration.

But physical sensations alone don’t encompass our full experience.

There exists a sixth sense vital to the process.

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” —Hamlet

Thought

The mind creates thought, the sixth sense of the human experience.

Together, thoughts and sensations create the soup of what consciousness feels like.

The more we understand the contents of this soup, and our effect on its quality, the more we can begin to improve our experience.

Suffering

Suffering arises from mental judgments of physical sensations.

Essentially, it goes like this:

A pattern of sensations arises in experience.

The mind identifies with the experience.

It then labels the experience of sensations as pleasant or unpleasant, good or bad.

This judgment creates suffering.

Consider an example:

I lose money in the stock market.

I identify with that money.

I’ve created a story around what I would do with that money and what losing this money might mean for my future.

I interpret losing the money as bad.

A wave of unpleasant sensations floods my body.

My immediate, unconscious reaction is to resist and push away unpleasant feelings.

The resistance amplifies my suffering…

until something pleasurable happens.

Now, I gain money in the stock market.

My wish is fulfilled. I interpret gaining the money as good.

A wave of pleasant sensations floods my body.

I’d prefer to experience such feelings again and again, and even wish this feeling to grow stronger.

I cling to this pleasurable feeling.

Inevitably, things change.

The cycle continues.

I am a slave to the stock market.

But there’s a way out.

One of Many Paths

To escape the cycle of suffering, there needs to be a shift in perspective.

That shift lies in equanimity.

Equanimity is nonjudgment of our experience, thoughts, and physical sensations.

It’s evenness of mind and temper.

It can also be called awareness or acceptance.

Where happiness is fleeting, equanimity is accessible in every moment, no matter the emotional state.

It’s possible to cultivate equanimity during moments of happiness and sadness alike.

All emotions are equally as good objects for our attention.

To practice equanimity is to witness physical sensations without attachment or aversion.

It’s to allow everything to arise exactly as it is.

To accept fully what’s happening.

To understand your connection to something greater beyond thought and sensation.

To understand we feel exactly what we should be feeling, simply because we’re feeling it.

When we resist our deepest sadnesses, anxieties, and fears, we only amplify the effect.

Allowing these patterns to be as they are allows them to pass through us.

There is nothing to do. Only to be.

Sensations and thoughts are moment-to-moment tests.

Every moment offers us an opportunity for equanimity.

While all of this sounds great, an intellectual understanding of equanimity can only take you so far.

In the heat of the moment, you must require your nervous system and your mind’s conditioning at the deepest level.

Practice

If you want to reprogram the mind’s habit patterns, you must maintain a consistent practice.

There are a variety of different meditation practices you can choose from.

I enjoy vipassana.

But there are many practices to choose from.

Whatever you choose, practice consistently.

Our ability to choose is determined by our level of awareness, based on our practice.

We might not control how we feel, but we can certainly control how we react.

Build equanimity by observing the body’s sensations objectively.

Feel sensations without judgment, be they pleasant or unpleasant.

Remove yourself from the chains of judgment.

I used to think I wanted happiness.

But living a life of true happiness is something closer to equanimity — it’s a perspective and a quality of mind that is cultivated continuously from moment to moment.

It’s not something to be sought.

It’s not a destination to arrive at.

It’s a process, a practice, and a journey.

One that will take your whole life and more.

I wish you the best on your journey.

I know you will reach your destination because it’s always been here, waiting for you.