I had the wonderful opportunity to share yesterday evening with this book club of lovable ladies who have successfully read one book every month for the last twenty-five years, except November, and months when the book failed to meet their high standards. 🙂 I enjoyed laughing, listening and answering questions about trail life, the inner-journey and, of course, barefooting. But there is something I must admit…

I typically feel imposture-syndrome and resistance when asked to attend public events like this because I’m aware of one partial truth—of just how little I know, how much farther I have to go, and that I must caution myself accordingly, to keep from presenting myself as someone who knows at all what he’s doing.

In this partial truth, I’m simply a parrot—a mishmash of the ideas and behaviors of others who have come before me—and for whatever reason, I find this is not good enough for me, that there exists within me an underlying, unfulfilled desire to contribute something unique and valuable to humanity’s data pool, and because I have not yet reached that summit, I feel undeserving of pre-mature attention and unready to present myself in my current condition.

And yet, while this perceived potential indeed remains unfulfilled at some level, there simultaneously exists another partial, perhaps greater truth: that in this present moment I am already complete, enough, whole, standing atop the summit, and deserving of everything that comes my way.

This may sound like hippy-gobbledygook to some, but if such a perspective is missing entirely from the toolkit of one’s mind, as it so often slips from mine, one might find oneself as having run straight towards death, never stopping to “relish the moment” or question the running in the first place. This idea of “wholeness” is relevant to my psyche and perhaps manifesting itself on the global stage, so for this reason it’s worth exploring further.

I experience this wholeness in two ways, if not more: when I’m still and when I show up.

In moments of stillness, I’m able to grow aware of what is discursive thought, fantasy and story and select in favor of space. I can see these feelings of unfulfilled potential for what they are at the experiential level: stories and language centered around mere patterns of energy and sensations traveling through the body and mind. I can’t say enough about this practice, how it continues to serve me, and how psychologically beneficial it is to steep in this space, if only for moments at a time.

Showing up has a similar result. When I surrender, lean in, open up and connect with others, lofty aims and stories begin to melt away. Fictions, long simulated in my mind, fade to the force of the present moment. To put it simply, I lose myself in others. And what a treat this is to forget myself, to remember that this life is not all about me for a few timeless seconds.

It’s difficult to decipher which truth, wholeness vs. pieceness (ha), is more important to our evolution. To me, one is not greater than the other, that they can be of equal value, and how we discuss and apply each in our lives requires wisdom, largely dependent upon context. I would be wise not to fool myself into thinking I’m complete when I have the rest of my life ahead for me while at the same time, reducing any unnecessary psychological suffering for not being “there yet” knowing there will always be another “there”. Perhaps whichever flame has more recently weakened inside you is the one in need of rekindling, and to, on occasion, add some healthy fuel to the fire.

Simple yet extraordinary events like attending a book club sparked this reflection, helped to remind me of my complete-self—a piece of me that was recently in need of rekindling—and how at times, showing up is what matters most. It’s both a long journey and a journey whose end we can access in this very moment. Wishing you well on yours today.

Love,

David

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